


getting better

by lightrye



Category: Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, deh
Genre: Gay, M/M, Treebros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-23 03:26:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14323527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightrye/pseuds/lightrye
Summary: connor meets evan in his therapy group and his Heart Of Steel turns to butter because of a crush





	1. one

“Have a good day, sweetheart,” said Connor’s mother gently as her car pulled up to the parking lot outside ‘Big Smiles Counselling’, which Connor thought was a ridiculous name that made him want to go even less. Eventually, he groaned in response to his mother and stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. This was the fourth therapist he’d been to see in the span of six months, which he figured must be some kind of record. Today was going to be a group therapy session, which, historically, were the worst kind of therapy. Connor hated the idea that he would have to sit in a circle with a bunch of other fucked up kids and be expected to tell them all about his feelings. It was hard enough for him to open up to one therapist in a solo session, let alone to a bunch of strangers. He was brainstorming which personality he would put on and fabricating a backstory about being sold to a drug cartel as a child when someone caught his eye.  
-  
Evan nervously shuffled in his seat, sitting on his hands despite the pain it was causing his broken arm.  
“Evan...” his mother spoke softly, “we’ve been parked here for twenty minutes now, you’re gonna miss it if you don’t hurry.”  
He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.   
“Can we stay a little longer?” He asked.  
“I’m already running late for my shift,” his mother answered. Evan’s eyes darted between his knees and the counselling office. There was a sign out the front that read ‘Big Smiles Counselling’, which he though was a nice name. He forced himself to exit the car, wishing his mom a good day as he did so. His arms were folded tightly accross his chest and his heart felt as though it were beating at the same rate and velocity that a machine gun fired bullets. He hadn’t even spoken to anyone, nor entered the building, but his breath was already hitching in his throat and he was breathing faster than his lungs could keep up with. Just as he was about to turn around and run after his mom’s car, he felt someone staring at him. He turned to see that it was a tall, thin boy with long hair. The boy looked familiar, but he turned away as soon as Evan looked at him. A friendly looking man stepped outside the door and called in all the people waiting outside, announcing that the session was about to begin. As they started to enter, the tall boy came over to Evan. Evan finally recognised him; it was Connor Murphy, Zoe Murphy’s brother.  
“Hey, it’s... Evan, right?” Connor spoke, sounding more nervous than he would’ve liked to. Evan froze.  
“Uh... Evan... Hansen? We go to school together? I’m C-“ “Connor Murphy,” Evan interrupted. Connor smirked and nodded, “Connor Murphy,” he confirmed. Evan’s eyes were fixed facing downwards, staring at Connor’s unlaced boots. The awkward silence between the two of them was cut off by the man from earlier announcing again that i was time to go inside. Connor and Evan entered, sitting next to each other in the circle of chairs sprawled around the centre of a room with walls covered in paintings of rainbows, smiling suns, flowers and butterflies. Connor leaned over and whispered to Evan, “this place looks like a fucking kindergarten.” Evan smiled, trying to hold in a laugh. Even though he didn’t know Connor, he felt a sense of security with him being there.   
“Alright everyone, let’s all go around in a circle and say our name, age, and something hard we’ve done in the past month. It can be something small, like making a phone call to book an appointment, or it could be something big, like saying goodbye to someone we love. I’ll start - My name is William, but you can call me Bill. I’m thirty-seven, and something hard I’ve done in the past month is moving house,” beamed the counsellor. He was a short man with a warm face and a bald head. It wasn’t surprising that he went by Bill- he didn’t look serious enough to be a William. Bill gestures to the girl seated next to him, and so the group began to work their way around the circle with introductions until it finally reached Evan. He hadn’t listened to anyone before him as he’d been rehearsing what he was going to say in his head the entire time.   
“I’m- my name is Evan. I’m eighteen, and the, uh, the hardest...thing that I’ve done in the past month...is breaking my arm. I fell, out of a tree,” he blurted, looking down at the floor the entire time. Connor could sense that Evan was feeling down after sharing, so he wanted to lighten the mood. It was his turn to speak now.  
“I’m Connor, I’m eighteen, and the hardest thing I’ve done in the past month...let me see... probably cocaine? That’s pretty hard- right? See, normally it’d be crack but I’m trying to quit,” he lied through his teeth, remaining completely calm and collected as he did so. The entire group stared wide-eyed at him for a minute, until the girl next to him gingerly began to introduce herself. Evan turned to Connor with a mortified look on his face.   
“Is that- do you _really_ -” Evan began, but Connor cut him off.  
“God no. I’ve never touched anything stronger than weed,” Connor whispered back to him. Evan stared blankly at him for a moment before he began to snicker, trying hard not to draw attention to himself. At the end of the session, Bill approached Evan and Connor.   
“That was really brave if you, to share about your struggle with addiction. We’re all here for you,” he said to Connor before patting him on the back. Connor had to cover his mouth with his hand to avoid smiling, and he nodded back to Bill without speaking. As soon as Bill left, Connor and Evan burst out laughing as soon as he was out of sight.   
“I’m glad I knew someone here today. Thanks for letting me sit with you,” Connor said with a small smile. Evan felt warm inside.  
“Thanks for making me laugh,” he said back, nervously scratching at his plastered arm.   
“Oh, hey, want me to sign that?” Connor asked, nodding towards the cast. Evan’s face lit up.   
“Are you sure?” he replied, only to see that Connor had already pulled a sharpie out of the messenger bag he had slung across his shoulder. He signed his name in huge letters, taking up the entire visible side of the otherwise blank cast. Evan smiled at him, feeling a warm blush creep across his cheeks.   
“Connor!” The two boys heard a voice call out. They turned to see a woman who Evan presumed to be Connor’s mother pull up into the parking lot.  
“That’s me. See ya around?” Connor asked, tucking his pen back into his bag. Evan nodded at him, not able to find words at that moment. Connor darted off and waved to him as he drove away. Evan’s mother arrived not long after and took him home. The only thing on either of the boys’ minds that night were one another and the thought that they would be seeing each other at school the next day.


	2. two

The next morning, Evan was feeling flustered while getting ready for school. His mind was completely occupied with the thought of Connor. He wondered if and when he would see him at school. He wondered if he would see him in the halls and, if he did, was he supposed to say hello? He wanted to say hello. He wanted to say a lot of things. As he sat in the car on the way to school, he gently traced his fingers over the enormous ‘CONNOR’ written across his cast.  
“Someone signed your cast,” Evan’s mom observed, trying to make conversation.  
“Yeah,” Evan responded, not paying much attention. The rest of the drive was silent until they arrived at school and Evan said goodbye. As soon as he began to walk the halls, he was on the lookout for Connor. He was so deep in concentration that he jumped when he felt a pair of hands grab him by the shoulders.  
“Who’s dick did you have to suck to get them to sign your cast?” Asked his friend, Jared, as he twisted Evan’s arm to see the signature. Evan let out a quiet yelp at the pain.  
“Connor? Please tell me this isn’t _Connor Murphy’s_ signature?” Jared asked with a surprised laugh. He stopped laughing when he got no response from Evan.  
“Holy shit, this is his signature isn’t it?” He asked in disbelief, before abruptly letting go of Evan’s arm.  
“Wh-what’s wrong with that,” Evan answered quietly, staring at his shuffling feet.  
“Uh, Connor Murphy is a freak. He looks like one of those Columbine kids, I’ve never heard him speak any words other than ‘ _fuck you_ ’, and he only wears black. He’s either a sociopath or a vampire,” Jared chuckled. Just as he was finishing, Evan noticed from the corner of his eye that Connor was standing nearby, listening to their conversation with his jaw tightly clenched.  
“Well- I think Connor’s cool so... _so- fuck you_ ,” Evan retaliated. Jared stood in shock. He’d never heard Evan mutter a word more profane than ‘crap’ in his life, and even that was because he had been stung by a wasp. Jared wanted to apologise, but Evan had already stormed off.  
Evan headed towards the gym for his much dreaded period of PE. He went to the bathroom before the class started to get changed; he couldn’t stand doing it in the actual changerooms. He felt like puberty had given a firm uppercut to all his classmates, leaving behind bruises in the form of washboard abs and godzilla-like height, while it had just...sneezed on him, leaving behind snot in the form of chub and freckles. He hated the way that his PE shorts bunched at his thighs, and how they rode up in all the wrong places. He hated how, even though his shirt was oversized, he could see it clinging to his stomach when he ran. Another advantage of getting changed in a toilet cubicle instead of the locker rooms was that there were no mirrors. Evan left the bathrooms almost as soon as the siren rang to signal the period beginning. He rushed to the gym, only to find that they were playing a game of capture the flag outside. The gym teacher decided to place the boys into teams of shirts vs. no shirts. Evan wasn’t a religious person in his day-to-day life, but the prayers he sent up that he wouldn’t get put on the no shirts team were stronger than those that any priest could ever muster. The universe, however, was not on his side, and he was ordered to remove his shirt.  
“Uh, I need to go to the bathroom,” Evan awkwardly said to the PE teacher, running off before he could be made to stay. He ran for a while before getting puffed, and began to lean against the bleachers to catch his breath. As he was heaving, he smelt smoke wafting from behind him. He turned around to see a small grey cloud dancing through the air, and he began to follow the smoke. The anxiety about finding a fire quickly subsided when he saw a familiar mop of long hair sitting cross-legged on the ground holding a lit cigarette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this was short sorry i’m gay


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some soft fluff for y’all because i’m sad and want the world to have nice things !!

“Connor!” Evan exclaimed, quickly shushing himself so as to not draw attention to his location.   
“ _Connor_ ,” he whispered this time. Connor looked up at him and smiled, his defined cheekbones forming creases at the corners of his mouth.   
“ _Evan_ ,” he whispered back, mocking Evan’s tone with a smirk. Evan blushed and sat down next to Connor.  
“What are you doing?” Evan asked, as though it wasn’t obvious.  
“Getting an education, clearly,” Connor responded, gesturing forward the cigarette he had smoked down to the last half inch. He took one last drag, nearly burning his fingers, before throwing the butt to the ground and snuffing it with his boot and announcing, “class is over.”  
“You have gym, too?” Evan asked, marvelling at the sight of Connor wearing a tiny pair of red PE shorts, a large grey t-shirt and his black Dr Marten’s boots. - Evan couldn’t recall ever seeing Connor’s legs exposed before. They were long and thin, so much so that his shorts rode up about as high as a pair of boxers would. The shirt he was wearing barely covered the shorts when he was standing, a sight that Evan could not take his eyes off of. - “No,” Connor answered, “This is how I always dress,” he added, smiling again with sarcasm.  
“You- you could,” Evan replied anxiously. Connor gave him a confused look.  
“You could- dress- like... like this. Always. You look nice,” Evan added, visibly flustered and cheeks burning red with a warm blush. Connor raised his eyebrows and his smirk grew wider.  
“I look nice?” He repeated. Evan nodded hastily.  
“Jesus, Hansen, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were hitting on me,” Connor remarked cockily, leaning back on his arms which were outstretched behind himself.  
“What! No! I’m not - I wasn’t-“ Evan babbled defensively. Connor could have very easily cut him off to help him find his train of thought, but a part of him enjoyed watching this boy be at a complete loss of words for him. Evan eventually gave up on trying to form a cohesive sentence and instead began to pick at the grass beneath him.  
“You look nice, too,” Connor said quietly, his gaze softening into a smile. Evan nearly choked on his own breath at these words, staring wide-eyed at Connor, who, like always, remained calm and collected.  
“I heard what you said about me before. To your friend,” Connor spoke carefully. He knew that Evan must have felt strongly about the situation to have reacted the way he did, snapping and swearing at the very unsuspecting Jared.  
“Family friend,” Evan muttered under his breath, more so out of a force of habit than anything else. Connor thought it was cute.  
“He shouldn’t have been talking about you like that. I don’t normally get angry like I did then. I hate being angry,” said Evan.  
“You don’t? I do. I love being angry. I love... breaking shit. I love shouting, not even for any reason, just... for the sake of shouting,” Connor disclosed.  
“That’s not healthy,” Evan said through a concerned frown. A split-second of guilt flashed across Connor’s face before he quickly responded, “Hence why I go to therapy,” sarcastically, gesturing with his hands as he did so.  
“I though you went because of the cocaine,” Evan joked, referencing the lie Connor told the group at therapy. Connor laughed. Evan clearly wasn’t very experienced in sarcasm, nor joking in general for that matter, so he hadn’t yet learned to navigate infliction; making his sarcastic remarks _sound_ completely serious. Connor found this adorable- almost as adorable as he found the snort Evan let out laughing at his own joke.  
“What’s your cocaine? Why are you spending your Sunday mornings singing Kumbaya with basket cases like myself when you could be, I don’t know... getting pancakes cooked for you by your Mom or throwing the pig skin around with your old man?” Connor asked, putting on an All-American Salesman voice towards the end. Evan let out a defeated chuckle before letting out a sigh.  
“Well,” he began, “There are no freshly cooked pancakes because Mom is usually at work. Or school. Or sleeping. And there is no old man, well- there was, but,” Evan paused before adopting Connor’s Salesman voice, “he traded up for a newer model and skipped town,” he finished. Connor’s expression became very sad, very fast.  
“Oh,” was all he could think to say. There was a slight, awkward pause before Connor broke the silence.  
“Life’s fucked up, huh?” he remarked. Evan nodded, looking down at his hands which were back to picking at the grass.  
“Totally screwed up,” Evan affirmed. Connor couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Evan had reverted back to his PG-rated vocabulary. Without saying anything, Connor inched his pinky finger over to gently caress the top of Evan’s hand. Just as he did so, the siren rang to signal the end of the period and Evan gave Connor’s hand a momentary squeeze before jumping up and running off to his next class.

**Author's Note:**

> hope y’all enjoy !!!!! feel free to leave any requests in the comment section and i’ll see what i can do (ps i love connor)


End file.
